Lady Comparison

Published by Nadine McGowan on

Comparison is a thief. It robs us of joy, of peace, of focus, of our purpose, of our best. It robs those around us of…. us.

I can envision comparison as an ugly, malicious, hateful old woman who is lurking around every corner, and whispering in our ears. 

There are 2 tactics to lady comparison’s lying whispers. 

The first is the belittling, the shaming, the “I am not as good” lies. She whispers things like, “Look at her, don’ t you wish you were skinny like that?” “She’s such a better mom than you.” Or, “you don’t even have kids yet, look at everyone around you, you suck.” “Wow! Look at their marriage, it is so much happier than yours,” or  “you’re not even married, look at all of your friends, they’re all married, you’re just not good enough.” Or, “If only you had money like them.”  Or, “You’re definitely not gifted like her, you will never be as good as her.” And the lies continue… 

The second tactic is the arrogant, the boasting, the “I am so much better” lies. Lady comparison whispers, “You are so much skinnier than her, good for you.” “At least your kids don’t act like her kids, you’re such a better mom.” “Their marriage is definitely a mess, yours is better, that’s right, you are definitely better!” “She is terrible at this skill, you are just wonderful, so much more talented than she is, so much smarter.” And the lies continue…. 

Both sides of lady comparison’s lies, (the minimizing and the boasting) Keep us stuck. Stuck in our problems. Stuck in our lack. Stuck in being victims.  Stuck in our ego. Stuck in being not enough or better than. Stuck in our shame. Stuck in our lack. Stuck in our arrogance. Stuck in our pride. Stuck in our weaknesses. STUCK IN OUR COMPARISON!!! 

I really believe a lot of our problems are rooted in comparison. Comparison is rooted in pride. Both side of comparison are rooted in pride. When we are in pride we are self-focused, comparing, striving, proving, hustling to earn our worth and comparing ourselves to those around us. How exhausting!!!!! 

This was one of my biggest challenges in life. I was constantly comparing, and competing with everyone around me. And I never thought I would ever admit this to others but I was the most jealous girl, I have ever met. Just writing that feels so vulnerable. I am ashamed to admit, things like, any girl who came near my boyfriend was a threat. I was constantly comparing my looks, my success, my results, my things to everyone else. I was imprisoned in my mind by lady comparison. I either was feeling devastated because I couldn’t measure up, or I was feeling prideful and arrogant because I was so much better. There was no in-between. I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A PRISON IN MY MIND. And no one even knew, because I was very good at hiding this. 

Then, I was rescued by a man. A man who loved me for me. Unconditionally. Overwhelmingly. When I least deserved it. He just continued to love me. And the more I got to know Him and the more I listened to His voice the less I compared myself to others. Because He would tell me He loved me, even when I wasn’t the skinniest or the best. Then, He would tell me He loves me, when I was the skinniest and the best. He just loved me, regardless.  He didn’t care about the things the world cared about. He cared about my heart. And slowly, I started to see myself the way He sees me. Loved. Adored. Cherished. Gifted. Equipped for a purpose. This man changed my life. He changed my heart from the inside out and His name is Jesus. 

Over time, I started seeing my competitors differently. Instead of listening to ugly lady comparison, I would see them through the eyes of Jesus, as my sisters and brothers in Christ. I started to see how much HE LOVED THEM, just as much as He loved me. Wow! That rocked my world for a while.   

I started to see that I am not any better than anyone else, nor are they better than me, we are simply equipped and gifted differently. I started to see that it is not through competing and thriving that we win, but it is through loving, encouraging and helping each other that’s when we really win. I started to see that it’s about all of us simply sharing our gifts freely, and receiving others’ gifts freely that we truly live a meaningful, purposeful life of freedom and joy. 

I can say today that I am no longer crippled by lady comparison’s lies, I am set free by the truth of Jesus. Every once in a while, though,  lady comparison, peeks her ugly head in and whispers. And every once in a while, I actually start to believe her, then I get on my knees and I ask my creator for the truth. I reach out to a sister in Christ and I share honestly my struggles, and lady comparison’s grip is immediately gone. The only power she has is the power I give her and my Savior is much more powerful. 

I pray that you are encouraged to seek His voice and to ask Jesus what He thinks of you. And if you can’t hear Him yet, that’s OK! Because, He told me to tell you that He LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY. HE LOVES YOU EXACTLY AS YOU ARE. He wants you to seek Him. He will meet you right where you are and he will lead you to freedom and truth in Him!