It’s 12:50 am and I was getting ready for bed when I experienced a flood of emotions. As I watched each tear slowly fall down my face, I realized these were not the same tears I have shed for the last three years. No, these tears represented healing, hope and vision. Let me back up a bit.
I had a lot of alone time over the Christmas holiday. It was sad to be alone without my family unit, without my traditions and without the hustle and bustle of Christmas morning as I remembered it for so many years. I reflected on the past, enjoyed it, grieved it and was thankful for it. It certainly wasn’t what I had envisioned for this season of my life. But, I got to spend a lot of time celebrating with the One who is always with me and I felt His presence.
I have gone through so many emotions over the last three years. I have been in the fire for three years, but it has really been the last five months that I experienced the most despair. I felt completely lost. The scripture says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. The Lord gave me that scripture early on in the process of getting divorced and moving to back to Indy. I wish I could say that I believed that scripture every day in the last 2 or so years, but I didn’t. I couldn’t see the light at the end. I couldn’t see my victory. I lost my hope and my joy. Like Job, I did remain faithful. I leaned into God even though some days I was not happy with him or my situation. I pressed on even when I didn’t want to get out of bed. I never experienced depression like I did in the last few years. I saw no future for myself. I believed the lies of the enemy. I believed I was too old to start over.
I’m embarrassed to say, I want life to be pain free and wrapped up in a pretty bow. But, this earth experience doesn’t work that way. We must go through the fire! Like the potter’s beautiful piece of pottery we too must endure some serious heat. However, like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, when we go into the fire we have “the Son of God” with us. When we are faithful, we come out of the fire prepared to be promoted (Chapter 3 of the Book of Daniel). God didn’t stop the three from entering the fire, but they were for sure not alone.
He has shown me I am not alone. You are not alone. We have Him first and foremost; and we have beautiful angels here in the flesh to give us a hug, to hold our hand, to listen to us whine, to stand in the gap, to encourage us keep on our eyes on Christ in the fire. I have the most amazing people in my life that demonstrate the love of Christ to me every day. I am the woman that Purposeful Living INC was created to serve. The woman who looked like she had everything, but was suffering. This community has provided love and inspiration. Its community (God’s family) spoke life into me when it felt like I was never coming out of the fire.
So, as I began this writing with watching my tears roll down my face, I realized they are not the same tears I have been crying for the last 3 years. These tears were coming from a heart that has been in the furnace. These tears come from a place of joy and hope. A place of purpose and vision. I’m not the same person I was three years ago. God has humbled me, broken me, strengthened me, taught me and has prepared me in the fire to be promoted. In the the last month or so I have felt a shift. I believe, I am walking out of the fire. God does have plans for my life! Plans to give me a hope and a future. He has good plans for you, too!
I am not sure what those plans are fully and I am not sure what my future holds, but I know the One who holds my future.
Happy New Year, my sisters! Walk in love!