I messed up. I messed up big.
Maybe you’ve been here before too. Where God has been working on you, and you’ve been doing so good, and then you just mess it all up. You make a mistake and it devastates you.
This just happened to me. I came home, stepped out of my car, and immediately fell to my knees, put my forehead to the concrete and sobbed “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry God. Forgive me, please Lord.” I was instantly wrapped in forgiveness. I say wrapped because it was like I could feel his arms around me, kneeling on the concrete with me, sobbing with me. I felt His compassion, instant compassion. “My poor baby girl. I know. I know. I know what you’re going through. I understand. I was right there. I know. You are already forgiven.”
It was too much for me. I was so upset with myself. I was so disappointed in myself. I could not handle this immense love. I did not deserve that kind of mercy, that kind of grace. I had messed up too bad to be forgiven so easily.
But I was.
And here’s the thing, God was with me the whole time. I heard his voice clearly the whole time leading up to this big mess up. I heard him tell me to “go home” and instead I said back, “I know I probably should but I want to do this.” I even had the audacity to ask him to be with me and protect me and use this for my good anyway.
I thought I could do it my way. I thought I could handle the temptation. And honestly, I could handle the temptation, but I couldn’t see where my downfall would be. Pressure. I gave into pressure. I fought it and fought it, but eventually because I went my own way, I gave in. I could not see what God already knew.
The point is, that my God is so good, and so is yours. If you think you’ll hear condemnation from God when you reach out to him at your lowest, you’re wrong. Even in this direct disobedience, God only met me with love. He has only ever met me with love. He has only ever met me with understanding. He has only ever met me with compassion. And He has only ever met me with forgiveness, mercy, and oh so much grace.
That’s why I became Christian, because the God I know, the God who keeps meeting me in my pain, in my lowest lows is so good to me. He loves on me so hard. How could I walk away from that? How could I deny a God like that?
So I want to encourage you. Your lowest lows are not too low for the merciful love of God. Your ugliest ugly is not too ugly for the unconditional love of God. Your deepest hurts are not too deep for the compassionate healing love of God. There is nothing so bad or so ugly that you cannot come to Him.
From my personal experience there is nothing where he won’t meet you with the most loving, caring, understanding, forgiving words far beyond any that you deserve. That’s the thing, He knows you so intimately and He loves all of you, every ugly, bad part. He just wants that to be known to you: He loves you and He’s here for you, always. Condemnation no more. (Romans 8:1) Just massive, unconditional, undeserving love for you.
Anything else is just not true.